why you ache

we never quite say what our hearts feel
often little words are left unsaid
little actions left undone
we pretend as if that doesn't hurt
we pretend as if they don't matter
but deep deep deep down
where the memories slip to and where love grows there is a hole
in that hole is where the undone deeds are
and that is where the ache in your soul grows
bc you didn't say i love you
you didn't smile or give that hug
you didn't even try
maybe we shouldn't wait anymore
maybe waiting is what is going to destroy us

willpower

where would you be if you woke up a little earlier and drove a little farther each day
where would you be if you pushed and pushed for the extreme
if you fought for what you believed in
would you be the minority
or part of a majority
would you learn to obey the rules
or would you break every expectation for freedom
would you have the strength
or would you crack under the pressure
bc kid being out of the box is rough
it's those walls that define you
will you break them
or will you let them keep you in

giggles

idk if you've ever been in a place that makes your heart soar
but i have
it's almost as if it's thumping so fast
like i can't catch my breath

bc im so happy and so sad and so excited and so confused yet smiling 

it's like the emotions are choking me
and my heart keeps racing
my smile keeps smiling
bc 
i
am
happy

dedicated to the sis in the pic bc she said that about the smile

things you're told

it's true
there are things that you
only understand
when you are older
i used to think it was a joke
just something adults said
so i would leave them be
but no
it's true
there are realities that you
only are able to fully see
until you have matured and grown
seen a little bit of the grim world

what's going to happen
once i get even older
im only seventeen

we've become this


how have we become a culture
where we must post our feelings
images we've taken
to prove that we have friends
to show that we travel and explore
to be our perfected us
we edit and squish
layer black and white to seem more dramatic
in forgetting that insta doesn't have to be perfect
our makeup doesn't have to be on fleek
our texting lingo on point
we put ourselves into a spot
one that we locked ourselves into
bc honestly
we've created this haven't we

yellow flower


i woke up and started to cry
it wasn't that i had a bad dream
nothing horrid had happened at all
more like
in said dream
i had wanted a yellow flower
but it had blown away
it was just a dried flower
why would i cry over that

true power

there lives a Being
more mighty than man

He stands taller than the trees
breathes life for us to inhale
His voice echoes like a canyon 
His heartbeat shakes the ground

He is the image of the invisible God
the firstborn over all
He was before
and is after
He delivered us from darkness
which strangled us
dragging us farther and farther from light

He did this by shining love 
in the hole
which we dug ourselves into 
He found us there
scared
sick
and holding shovels in hand

evidence against us
we fought anyways
only to drop the shovels

leaving emptiness for love
darkness for light
ache for forgiveness 

no longer are we alone
for Jesus has come

POETRY BOOK AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE


here it is guys
you can now buy my book
of poems
go here for all the info
enjoy
<33

rich vs poor

maybe we are richer
even when we think we are poor
our hearts tell us
that we a missing out
soon we set a goal
to reach the things that seem
so vibrant compared to normal dull
and once that is touched
you sit and your heart is still beating
the emptiness is still there
bc rich or poor
thriving or not
that isn't what matters

fighting fears

you can't always be afraid
there comes a time
where you must press on

to live 
to ache 
to thrive 
to be 

you have to shake off those doubts
and hold onto hope
you've got this
even if you're pretending at first
that's practicing
and pretty soon
you'll really truly have it

unreachable

we live in a world
with so much regret
too many losses and not enough victories
it's a place where good seems impossible
beauty untouchable
where poverty is more common than wealth
and sickness strikes more daily
we are the planets inhabitants
we are the ones who live here
grasping for hope
takes a being stronger than fears
stronger than the everlasting ache
you have to be a warrior to survive here
you have to be a fighter

my baby sis


the little girl
who's favorite color is red
has the kind of eyes
that looks at the world
from inside out
forget the horrors
the grim and dirt
she sees the moon
grabs it and names it gilbert

she plugs her nose
when she takes a shower
bc what if water gets in
snowboarding down a hill - yes
she asks for help
while doing her schoolwork
even tho she's already a genius
you see
she's the little girl who loves red
and she's a mega miracle child
death fought to yank her away
but it lost
and now

ive got a treasure who calls me
jula
and sister
she's beautiful and precious and wow
im gonna go cry now
bye

strangers


i recognize you
my mind shouts
i remember you from somewhere
we once met
smiled
and went on our own way
but now we've made eye contact
for a second time
but have never truly spoke
who are you
what is your life like
how have you grown
where have you traveled
why are you who you are
im curious
i would like to no longer be
strangers
but instead
friends

tell me you feel this too 

ticket to freedom


i don't dream cheap 
like why should i
ive got a free ticket 
in my imagination 
i can go anywhere
do anything 
so watch out world 
im coming

my fence


sometimes
i can see things
with a clearer view
other times
im fogged up with emotions
and wants
needs i think i have
i picture them
desiring items i can't have
and then
suddenly i see the layers of fog
roll away
and i can see the green grass again
on my side of the fence
i realize
it's green enough

the crutch


maybe you shouldn't do
what you enjoy
maybe it's all wrong
to be
comfortable
ive seen the results
they aren't what you would expect
sure
you went far

but not as far as you could have gone
comfort
it's a crutch
it doesn't shape you
grow you
it holds you back

and you don't mind
because it's okay
you're warm
you're happy
but really?
truly?
idk.

reflections


have you ever been
washing the bathroom mirror
and you're thinking
thinking about random things
then you stop
and look at yourself
and it's like
you can see yourself clearly
for once
it's a moment
short and vanishing
but then your heart aches
bc that feeling awoke something
deep within
it unlocked a longing
and then
you finish washing that mirror
bc life still has to be lived

basically me

t r e a s u r e d




















a family's treasure
is always stored
in the safest of places
four walls make a house
but a family to love it
make it a home

there can't be a beginning
without an end
so yes

maybe someone from the puzzle
of the large and beautiful family
has left that empty spot
to never to be perfectly filled again

there will be memories
stored tightly
bc maybe those four walls know the story
but its the people
who carry it forever

for daminika and marissa and lakaysha
and their entire family

darling you're loved


did anyone ever tell you
that your eyes
are shaped out of the moon
did anyone ever tell you
that your soul
was carved out of laughter
did they ever explain
that your kind of beauty
is too overwhelming for the world to bear

maybe nobody else did
and i'm meant to be
that somebody
who does

so listen to these words
soak them in
cuz darling 
you're loved 

<3 <3 <3 <3

stop running


there are some people
who have run so far
and so deep
away from God
that they literally are so lost
they cannot move
and there are some people
who walk so close
and know Him so well
that evil runs away in fear

tell me please
which are you
or better yet
which would you rather be

we are the dreamers


we all have a fairytale
hidden away in our hearts
these fairytales
are filled with ideals and dreams
hopes and things your grasp for
they're those cinderella balls
and winning money for books
finding a flight ticket to the place you dream to be
they are your wedding day
and moment you see your child take its first steps
when you do firsts
and then even your lasts
some people call them unattainable
and honestly
if you believe in true love
and four leaf clovers
and a God who knows your heart
then keep dreaming those fairytales
you've got them for a reason

being a dreamer 
doesn't make your head in the clouds
it just means
you hold onto hope
don't let go
for there will be some
who are dream-takers

my king


there is a Lord 
who came as a servant 
to save us from our stupidity 
and the sins which we created 
He came for the poor and the rich
for the sick and the mighty 
He came for the old and the young 
and shook the world 
with silence at times and parables at others 
we did not know 
or else we did not want to know 

because submitting to Someone 
means giving up yourself 
and you see 
that's the whole point 
cuz that's what Jesus did 
up on that cross 
don't forget the pain He endured
so that God will now look at us and see His Son 
we are trash 
He is glory 
we are dirt to be tossed to the wind
He is Lord to be worshiped for eternity
I will scream this until I die 
bc what if we forget 
don't 
simply remember this 

He died for our sins but lives now

and that my dears 
is breathtaking 

never fear


reality is harsh
and unforgiving
but perhaps
that's the way its meant to be
true
sometimes it seems
as if there is no future
as if the end has come
but never fear
child
look up and around
the world hasn't stopped yet
Someone is keeping the motion
in motion
so hush
don't cry
just remember
you're not the first to go through pain
and sadly
won't be the last


rely only one one Being
you'll never be disappointed 

how pain is handled


some people hurt
by showing their pain
others cry
to ease the sorrow
some bottle and store
the agony so deep
and some
say to God
take it away
please

in my head this rhymes but maybe it doesn't idk

to: the humans of the world

it amazes me
to know
that the world is round
a circle
filled with millions
and millions of people
all these people want travel
love
meaning
to know what is beyond
but yet
all these people
all have neighbors
who they do not know
they all have places
which they have never explored
only 5 minutes away
it amazes me
that people still think
that the grass is greener
on the other side

just remember
everything is relative
even the color green

we've shifted


what happened to passion
where did joy vanish to
why did love become unloving
how did we become
the monsters we tried to fight
when did this happen
why did it
all i know is
i wanna be
where these things went to be safe
just how i see it - my perspective.

where is the beauty



i went to a place
its called a home
but is it really?
the hallway was full of people
and horrible country albums were playing
WHY ISNT THERE CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING
i wanted to shout

how are you feeling
i said instead

WHERE IS THE BEAUTY 
i screamed in agony


the people 
they try to smile
but they're waiting
THEY'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG
i painfully held back my words

hello
i said
i'm 57
she said
no. no she's not

SHE WAS ONCE YOUNG LIKE ME
i teared up

pain and sorrow
are part of life
yes
but truly
can't we just try
to fight that part
and be the love everyone
desires to have
THEY JUST NEED A SMILE AND LOVE
i cry bc its so much harder than it seems

don't forget the elderly. you will be that one day 

the glares

so what
it only truly matters
what you do
forget the glare she threw at you
just remember this
she has a life
and you have yours
her actions don't have to effect you
be the beautiful human God made you to be
and you'll see
you will still get glares
they just won't matter anymore

what if
we lived in a world
where
instead of rejection and distaste
our eyes held love and joy
what if 
we do
we just need to remember to be that way

please try. 

who are we

do you think that 
some people
are meant to be
those who are forgotten
while some people
are made to be remembered
is it that some humans
are better than one another
or that
their talents were discovered
unlike somebody else
perhaps the option was given
but only a few took it
and those few
we remember
it's wrong to always know who elvis is
just cuz you know his name
and to shrug when you see harold barnes
just cuz you don't know his
remember one day
your name will be on a grave stone
who will you be remembered as

just something i thought we should all think about

stop pretending

why are we so afraid
to fail
to realize that you can't always do
what you thought you could do
why does it seem like you didn't do it right
when perhaps
you did it the way
you were supposed to
why does it look like
on the outside
you've got it together
when on the inside
you don't
why do you pretend
when you don't have to

happy national poetry day you guys. btw a real human is beautiful. be that. 

frightened


there's a place
that i won't enter
a room 
that i haven't seen for a long 
long time
you see if i enter the walls
i'll be forced 
forced to remember 
forced to forget 
and im not sure 
if im ready for that yet 

you can't edit feelings 
they're there
loud and sometimes 
not
it's assumed easier
to just forget them
but you see 
its not 

i. will. not. forget.

you're y o u


why do you keep forgetting
that your worth
isn't in what you look like
why do you brush off
the friends who really care
why do you keep pushing
for a goal
which someone else gave to you
why do you try and try
to be that person you've always
felt you had to be
it is easy to be a stranger
bc you don't know their story
it's harder to be yourself
bc you do know yours

sometimes words hurt you know but they're needed. be you k 

published book

here you go
all the poems i've written
ever
and they're in a book
give me a little time
and soon
you'll be able to buy it
so you can hold it
just like me
bc wow
it's just so cool

awakened


i didn't even say goodbye. i just now realized that. why did it take me so long, to finally see this - that you were always there, bright in my life.
but then, you had to leave. and, i didn't even stop long enough to say goodbye
why
is there something wrong with me / is there something wrong with us / or you /
i don't know. but maybe, i'll remember to say goodbye more - and hello.
because what if its the last time i ever get to say it?

i remembered something that i guess i had forgotten 

why me


i've been in countless situations
where im not sure why
im actually there
why i was asked
to be there
i didn't know
i didn't seek it out
but somehow
it happened
and now
i know a piece of your puzzle
i hold it
cuz i know something
that nobody else does
and as i reflect
i wonder
why i was asked
why me
why
why
why

bc yeah, this has happened a lot to me 

wait





























but wait
i didn't mean it that way. i didn't want you to...to..actually leave. i just wanted to see if you cared. if you actually meant what you always whispered.
i love you
you seemed to mean it - i think you even thought you did. 
but maybe it wasn't strong enough? 
so next time shhhhh don't say you love me - don't say something you can't feel 


fictional - unless my subconscious remembers something i dont

the true mystery


there are places
in the world 
untouched by human hand
there are books
sitting in hidden places 
unread
there are caves 
so deeply placed 
that they will never see 
the light of day
there are treasures 
so lost 
that even the man who buried them
could never discover it again
and there are people 
who lived lives 
but have never been spoken of
tell me 
how does that make you feel 

don't ask. i have noooo idea where this came from

its okay to be okay


it's okay to be not okay
a line i hear so often
and it's true
but what about the people
who are okay
the people who have given
their depression to God
and have come to a transition place
where it is okay
to be okay
it's just as poetic
just as beautiful
as it is
to be not okay

just rambling thoughts 

you gotta do it


i firmly believe
that it doesn't matter what
you do
or even who
you are
but how you
do it
that matters
you have to give it your all
focus
and be who you are
bc when you do
you can go far
so don't just sit there wondering
what to do
or where to go
just.
do.
it.

thoughts of a sick human aka me 

my valentine

i had another dream
but this time i knew what was going to happen in the end
and couldn't wake myself up
it was rather painful to watch what i already knew was going to unfold
but i /  had /  to /
and then when i finally finished the dream
i woke up. at first, i laid there in a groggy state but then i sat up
raced down the hallway and sighed in relief. my little sister - she was alright
i planted a kiss on her forehead and climbed back in my bed
glad that it had only been a dream

bc this is love k 

c h a n g e s


there comes a time
where change
can't be held back
anymore
i scream for it to stop
i kick and yell that i like it the way
it always had been
but even when i push
and do my best
to hold it back
i can't
bc it slips through the cracks
so i have to forget it
and just
go with the flow
bc why make it more painful
than it already is

kinda inspired by a tv show + my feelings 

be brave k


you have to be brave
to let people in
to trust them
with your story
and heart
and love
you can't just run away
bc you are scared
fear is real and terrifying
yes
but so is living alone
for the rest of your life
be brave
trust in God
and then
my dear friend
you will find beauty

idk if im brave enough 

loud whispers


sometimes the silence
is just
too loud
it tells me that i can't do it
that i'll fail
yet again
it whispers to me
the echoes and memories
of long such things
things that i wanted to forget
but tend to be awakened
by the silence
it's a little too unnerving
a little too loud
if silence isn't what you think it is
then what even is it

bc geeesh this is so true right

b e w a r e


i thought that books were
harmless enough
but i was wrong 
they aren't just a bunch of words
printed out on paper
they play with your mind
giving you a sensation
of a world
you are yet to be a part of 
and yet
the moment you close the book
you think you are free
but you are not 
the story 
is still there 
bc your mind
has been captivated by them
beware
open at your own risk  

dont even know why i thought of this but it actually makes sense....somehow

im terrified



something has happened
a thing has
shifted
i used to be able to
form the words in my head
into poems
but now
all i hear is
silence
it's as if
the words have decided to leave
as if
they said goodbye
we bothered you for a time
but now
it's someone else's turn
so now im confused
i thought poetry was for me
help
i won't let go
am i supposed to
idk anymore
legitness right here. im struggling, but won't give up 

people watching































he gently pushed her in the wheelchair
his feet shuffled with each step
she sat silently
touching the plastic casing
on the bag
in the basket
he was quiet
she was just as quiet
but words were spoken
in their actions
the store was so big
so many other people
going about
doing their own shopping
who would notice them
but you see
i did

and now....i'll never forget