Friday, September 15, 2017

listen close, my wonderful friend
there is a secret which i must spill
it is a secret which i am still learning to realize but here it is nonetheless

the change has become normal 

which we dread
and fight
and detest
has. become. normal.

it isn't something you notice right away
but one day it hits you as you're driving along saying how beautiful it is
that's when you remember how hard you fought this beautiful bc you didn't know it would be beautiful
at least that's how it was for me

slow down. breathe. it's a new normal. and it'll be okay.


Monday, September 11, 2017

who says leaving is the only answer
who says you're not good enough
and what makes them the authority on that
why has giving up become the chosen option
when darling, there are so many more
it's not like pain isn't real
bc it is
what if pain is a blessing
what if staying could mean the difference between ending your story without really living it
the difference between life and death
doing hard things is hard - that's how its supposed to be
some days you will feel beat
sometimes you'll just cry
it's ok
don't say goodbye to second chances
don't cross off all the available options to the most empty of them all
stay. please. k.

[ okay so this is probably one of the toughest things I've written. it's tough bc its a subject a lot of people have chosen to brush past for many reasons. maybe you don't deal with these thoughts or don't want to think about them...well, whatever it is, they are still real. still there. and NOT going away. Elissa emailed me + a bunch of other fantastic bloggers awhile ago. this is part of a post series about staying. about realizing that God has given you this life as a gift.  and that, you're loved. completely and utterly loved ]


Saturday, September 2, 2017

stop trying to prove to yourself
and to everyone else
that you can deal with it
bc there are times when you cannot
and there are days when you just shouldn't
bc that just wont lead you into good places
it'll just dig you farther into your mindset of ive got this
and when you think real hard about this
you realize your hands are empty and truly you haven't got it
instead of pushing yourself until you fall off that cliff edge
hold tight onto the One who can and will deal with it
its much much better. promise

what love does

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

love bubbles over
when love overflows
it seeps into crusty dry cracks of emptiness
and drips down, touching a world of dead hearts
it doesn't take no for an answer
and certainly doesn't fade away
some black souls turn to thumping alive ones again
but some commit to eternal death, unable to see past their burden
through it all love bubbles over and overflows

                          to be accepted bc its goal is for joy to win and death to die

unable to quit

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

it's a battle to rise up in the morning 
a struggle after what happened yesterday 
we are emotionally exhausted, we are physically drained 
the day was so so long and the dark, coolness of the night was too short 

there is less relief when you have to face yourself 
there isn't enough strength it seems to do that 
but you rise
and live another day 
hoping that yesterday won't repeat itself 
hoping that rest will come soon 


Tuesday, August 15, 2017

you know how when you watch a movie and you see a character doing something stupid 

and you just sit there moaning and screaming into your pillow; 

"STOP! No. That's not it! Do this!"

and you know why we can do that can't do that in our own lives, even tho we wish to? 

bc in the movies we get to see the opposite character and their thoughts. We get the advantage. Life isn't really like that

so don't beat yourself up so hard when you feel like you just did something stupid. It happens. You learn from crashing on the floor in a heap of jumbledness. at least, its best to try learning, that is. 

besides. Being perfectly put together is boring. 
Shake your hair and laugh bc today you messed up and tomorrow you probably will too 

there is loveliness in that 

1 YEAR = 100 POEMS

Sunday, August 13, 2017

i am unsure of how im supposed to handle this newness around me
i grip onto yesterday bc i don't know tomorrow
and in doing that
so many todays disappear in yesterdays
who am i to blame
who am i to scream at
its uncomfortable to be uncomfortable
its comfortable to be comfortable
that's who i am
how am i supposed to change that without changing me
perhaps that's the point
perhaps i need to step out into the raging waves
maybe i will slip under for a while
but in the end
im hoping for an island
that's why im breathing in and holding onto today for once
thats why tomorrows unknowns cant stop me
bc im searching and learning and trusting
that's what im trying to do at least

[this post marks 1 year of TWILIGHT TO DAWN and yes. this is my 100th posted poem. guess i should keep going? *grins*]

t h e - s k y

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

so im wondering why the sky is a soft blue one day
and a vibrate blue another day
or a stormy grey randomly
like isn't the sky the same always
how come it changes
i understand the movement and fading of clouds
i know why we can't see the stars in the day
and that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west
i know these things
but idk why the sky can change so drastically in color
maybe i do know why but just don't remember
whatever it is
the blue sky is my friend

my poems

Friday, August 4, 2017

i write words
which some people say are sad
and some say they hurt so much
that they are good
and these words
which i have learned
come from somewhere
which is nowhere
and i just have to trust that it'll be ok
bc let's face it
some words said are just a little too full of truth
and hit a little too close to home
i'm sorry if they're painful
trust me
they hurt me too

my home {for now}

Sunday, July 30, 2017

i live in a place where fireflies dance as the sun slips to the other side of the earth

i live in a place where the air is so fresh that my lungs cannot fill enough

i live in a place where the yard is large enough and the sky is big enough that i never feel crowded in

the summer is never long enough and the winter is never short enough here

in my garden i get to sing even if i really can't sing

fields surround me like a sea and i live on my own island. its full of grass and trees and giggles and swings. the freezer has popsicles and chalk is plentiful. there is enough childhood left on the shelf. dust it off. join me.

it's paradise here.


Wednesday, July 26, 2017

guys i actually did it
the design is new
which means possibly new ideas
i'm willing to try something different
but stay the same still
i'm excited
what do you think??

how life is

Monday, July 24, 2017

what makes some people jump off bridges
while others climb mountains
what gives some confidence
and others none
it's as if something happened
as if someone said something
maybe empowering or perhaps downgrading
bc truthfully
everyone starts out the same
what happens in the middle seems to decide the end

is this true for you?

why you ache

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

we never quite say what our hearts feel
often little words are left unsaid
little actions left undone
we pretend as if that doesn't hurt
we pretend as if they don't matter
but deep deep deep down
where the memories slip to and where love grows there is a hole
in that hole is where the undone deeds are
and that is where the ache in your soul grows
bc you didn't say i love you
you didn't smile or give that hug
you didn't even try
maybe we shouldn't wait anymore
maybe waiting is what is going to destroy us


Wednesday, July 12, 2017

where would you be if you woke up a little earlier and drove a little farther each day
where would you be if you pushed and pushed for the extreme
if you fought for what you believed in
would you be the minority
or part of a majority
would you learn to obey the rules
or would you break every expectation for freedom
would you have the strength
or would you crack under the pressure
bc kid being out of the box is rough
it's those walls that define you
will you break them
or will you let them keep you in


Sunday, July 9, 2017

idk if you've ever been in a place that makes your heart soar
but i have
it's almost as if it's thumping so fast
like i can't catch my breath

bc im so happy and so sad and so excited and so confused yet smiling 

it's like the emotions are choking me
and my heart keeps racing
my smile keeps smiling

dedicated to the sis in the pic bc she said that about the smile

things you're told

Saturday, June 24, 2017

it's true
there are things that you
only understand
when you are older
i used to think it was a joke
just something adults said
so i would leave them be
but no
it's true
there are realities that you
only are able to fully see
until you have matured and grown
seen a little bit of the grim world

what's going to happen
once i get even older
im only seventeen

we've become this

Monday, June 19, 2017

how have we become a culture
where we must post our feelings
images we've taken
to prove that we have friends
to show that we travel and explore
to be our perfected us
we edit and squish
layer black and white to seem more dramatic
in forgetting that insta doesn't have to be perfect
our makeup doesn't have to be on fleek
our texting lingo on point
we put ourselves into a spot
one that we locked ourselves into
bc honestly
we've created this haven't we

yellow flower

Thursday, June 15, 2017

i woke up and started to cry
it wasn't that i had a bad dream
nothing horrid had happened at all
more like
in said dream
i had wanted a yellow flower
but it had blown away
it was just a dried flower
why would i cry over that

true power

Friday, June 9, 2017

there lives a Being
more mighty than man

He stands taller than the trees
breathes life for us to inhale
His voice echoes like a canyon 
His heartbeat shakes the ground

He is the image of the invisible God
the firstborn over all
He was before
and is after
He delivered us from darkness
which strangled us
dragging us farther and farther from light

He did this by shining love 
in the hole
which we dug ourselves into 
He found us there
and holding shovels in hand

evidence against us
we fought anyways
only to drop the shovels

leaving emptiness for love
darkness for light
ache for forgiveness 

no longer are we alone
for Jesus has come


Tuesday, June 6, 2017

here it is guys
you can now buy my book
of poems
go here for all the info

rich vs poor

Friday, June 2, 2017

maybe we are richer
even when we think we are poor
our hearts tell us
that we a missing out
soon we set a goal
to reach the things that seem
so vibrant compared to normal dull
and once that is touched
you sit and your heart is still beating
the emptiness is still there
bc rich or poor
thriving or not
that isn't what matters

fighting fears

Monday, May 29, 2017

you can't always be afraid
there comes a time
where you must press on

to live 
to ache 
to thrive 
to be 

you have to shake off those doubts
and hold onto hope
you've got this
even if you're pretending at first
that's practicing
and pretty soon
you'll really truly have it


Thursday, May 25, 2017

we live in a world
with so much regret
too many losses and not enough victories
it's a place where good seems impossible
beauty untouchable
where poverty is more common than wealth
and sickness strikes more daily
we are the planets inhabitants
we are the ones who live here
grasping for hope
takes a being stronger than fears
stronger than the everlasting ache
you have to be a warrior to survive here
you have to be a fighter

my baby sis

Monday, May 22, 2017

the little girl
who's favorite color is red
has the kind of eyes
that looks at the world
from inside out
forget the horrors
the grim and dirt
she sees the moon
grabs it and names it gilbert

she plugs her nose
when she takes a shower
bc what if water gets in
snowboarding down a hill - yes
she asks for help
while doing her schoolwork
even tho she's already a genius
you see
she's the little girl who loves red
and she's a mega miracle child
death fought to yank her away
but it lost
and now

ive got a treasure who calls me
and sister
she's beautiful and precious and wow
im gonna go cry now


Tuesday, May 16, 2017

i recognize you
my mind shouts
i remember you from somewhere
we once met
and went on our own way
but now we've made eye contact
for a second time
but have never truly spoke
who are you
what is your life like
how have you grown
where have you traveled
why are you who you are
im curious
i would like to no longer be
but instead

tell me you feel this too 

ticket to freedom

Monday, May 8, 2017

i don't dream cheap 
like why should i
ive got a free ticket 
in my imagination 
i can go anywhere
do anything 
so watch out world 
im coming

my fence

Friday, May 5, 2017

i can see things
with a clearer view
other times
im fogged up with emotions
and wants
needs i think i have
i picture them
desiring items i can't have
and then
suddenly i see the layers of fog
roll away
and i can see the green grass again
on my side of the fence
i realize
it's green enough

the crutch

Sunday, April 30, 2017

maybe you shouldn't do
what you enjoy
maybe it's all wrong
to be
ive seen the results
they aren't what you would expect
you went far

but not as far as you could have gone
it's a crutch
it doesn't shape you
grow you
it holds you back

and you don't mind
because it's okay
you're warm
you're happy
but really?


Thursday, April 27, 2017

have you ever been
washing the bathroom mirror
and you're thinking
thinking about random things
then you stop
and look at yourself
and it's like
you can see yourself clearly
for once
it's a moment
short and vanishing
but then your heart aches
bc that feeling awoke something
deep within
it unlocked a longing
and then
you finish washing that mirror
bc life still has to be lived

basically me

t r e a s u r e d

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

a family's treasure
is always stored
in the safest of places
four walls make a house
but a family to love it
make it a home

there can't be a beginning
without an end
so yes

maybe someone from the puzzle
of the large and beautiful family
has left that empty spot
to never to be perfectly filled again

there will be memories
stored tightly
bc maybe those four walls know the story
but its the people
who carry it forever

for daminika and marissa and lakaysha
and their entire family

darling you're loved

Saturday, April 22, 2017

did anyone ever tell you
that your eyes
are shaped out of the moon
did anyone ever tell you
that your soul
was carved out of laughter
did they ever explain
that your kind of beauty
is too overwhelming for the world to bear

maybe nobody else did
and i'm meant to be
that somebody
who does

so listen to these words
soak them in
cuz darling 
you're loved 

<3 <3 <3 <3

stop running

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

there are some people
who have run so far
and so deep
away from God
that they literally are so lost
they cannot move
and there are some people
who walk so close
and know Him so well
that evil runs away in fear

tell me please
which are you
or better yet
which would you rather be

we are the dreamers

Monday, April 17, 2017

we all have a fairytale
hidden away in our hearts
these fairytales
are filled with ideals and dreams
hopes and things your grasp for
they're those cinderella balls
and winning money for books
finding a flight ticket to the place you dream to be
they are your wedding day
and moment you see your child take its first steps
when you do firsts
and then even your lasts
some people call them unattainable
and honestly
if you believe in true love
and four leaf clovers
and a God who knows your heart
then keep dreaming those fairytales
you've got them for a reason

being a dreamer 
doesn't make your head in the clouds
it just means
you hold onto hope
don't let go
for there will be some
who are dream-takers

my king

Friday, April 14, 2017

there is a Lord 
who came as a servant 
to save us from our stupidity 
and the sins which we created 
He came for the poor and the rich
for the sick and the mighty 
He came for the old and the young 
and shook the world 
with silence at times and parables at others 
we did not know 
or else we did not want to know 

because submitting to Someone 
means giving up yourself 
and you see 
that's the whole point 
cuz that's what Jesus did 
up on that cross 
don't forget the pain He endured
so that God will now look at us and see His Son 
we are trash 
He is glory 
we are dirt to be tossed to the wind
He is Lord to be worshiped for eternity
I will scream this until I die 
bc what if we forget 
simply remember this 

He died for our sins but lives now

and that my dears 
is breathtaking 

never fear

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

reality is harsh
and unforgiving
but perhaps
that's the way its meant to be
sometimes it seems
as if there is no future
as if the end has come
but never fear
look up and around
the world hasn't stopped yet
Someone is keeping the motion
in motion
so hush
don't cry
just remember
you're not the first to go through pain
and sadly
won't be the last

rely only one one Being
you'll never be disappointed 

how pain is handled

Saturday, April 8, 2017

some people hurt
by showing their pain
others cry
to ease the sorrow
some bottle and store
the agony so deep
and some
say to God
take it away

in my head this rhymes but maybe it doesn't idk

to: the humans of the world

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

it amazes me
to know
that the world is round
a circle
filled with millions
and millions of people
all these people want travel
to know what is beyond
but yet
all these people
all have neighbors
who they do not know
they all have places
which they have never explored
only 5 minutes away
it amazes me
that people still think
that the grass is greener
on the other side

just remember
everything is relative
even the color green

we've shifted

Friday, March 31, 2017

what happened to passion
where did joy vanish to
why did love become unloving
how did we become
the monsters we tried to fight
when did this happen
why did it
all i know is
i wanna be
where these things went to be safe
just how i see it - my perspective.

where is the beauty

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

i went to a place
its called a home
but is it really?
the hallway was full of people
and horrible country albums were playing
i wanted to shout

how are you feeling
i said instead

i screamed in agony

the people 
they try to smile
but they're waiting
i painfully held back my words

i said
i'm 57
she said
no. no she's not

i teared up

pain and sorrow
are part of life
but truly
can't we just try
to fight that part
and be the love everyone
desires to have
i cry bc its so much harder than it seems

don't forget the elderly. you will be that one day 

the glares

Sunday, March 26, 2017

so what
it only truly matters
what you do
forget the glare she threw at you
just remember this
she has a life
and you have yours
her actions don't have to effect you
be the beautiful human God made you to be
and you'll see
you will still get glares
they just won't matter anymore

what if
we lived in a world
instead of rejection and distaste
our eyes held love and joy
what if 
we do
we just need to remember to be that way

please try. 

who are we

Thursday, March 23, 2017

do you think that 
some people
are meant to be
those who are forgotten
while some people
are made to be remembered
is it that some humans
are better than one another
or that
their talents were discovered
unlike somebody else
perhaps the option was given
but only a few took it
and those few
we remember
it's wrong to always know who elvis is
just cuz you know his name
and to shrug when you see harold barnes
just cuz you don't know his
remember one day
your name will be on a grave stone
who will you be remembered as

just something i thought we should all think about

stop pretending

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

why are we so afraid
to fail
to realize that you can't always do
what you thought you could do
why does it seem like you didn't do it right
when perhaps
you did it the way
you were supposed to
why does it look like
on the outside
you've got it together
when on the inside
you don't
why do you pretend
when you don't have to

happy national poetry day you guys. btw a real human is beautiful. be that. 


Saturday, March 18, 2017

there's a place
that i won't enter
a room 
that i haven't seen for a long 
long time
you see if i enter the walls
i'll be forced 
forced to remember 
forced to forget 
and im not sure 
if im ready for that yet 

you can't edit feelings 
they're there
loud and sometimes 
it's assumed easier
to just forget them
but you see 
its not 

i. will. not. forget.

you're y o u

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

why do you keep forgetting
that your worth
isn't in what you look like
why do you brush off
the friends who really care
why do you keep pushing
for a goal
which someone else gave to you
why do you try and try
to be that person you've always
felt you had to be
it is easy to be a stranger
bc you don't know their story
it's harder to be yourself
bc you do know yours

sometimes words hurt you know but they're needed. be you k 

published book

Monday, March 13, 2017

here you go
all the poems i've written
and they're in a book
give me a little time
and soon
you'll be able to buy it
so you can hold it
just like me
bc wow
it's just so cool

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